Waffle Wedded Wife

Giggles that started a joyful marriage.

One of the joys of writing articles is when readers send me success stories, giggle generating jokes or videos like the Waffle Wedded Wife clip, which you can see on my Tasteful Toasts blog website. It’s a good reminder that you can still have fun when you flub a line.

The Gospel About Giggles

Laughter IS the best medicine. Need proof? The following is a list of the top ten fascinating fun facts from reputable institutions around the world regarding mirth’s medicinal qualities:

1. There are 18 different kinds of smiles – the most common is the smile of enjoyment.

2. Thirteen muscles are used to smile, but 47 are required for frowning.

3. You have to smile nearly a quarter of a million times to make one wrinkle.

4. You can stimulate your heart and lungs and improve breathing capacity by laughing.

5. Laughing one hundred times a day is equal to ten minutes of rowing.

6. Fifteen minutes of laughter equals the benefit of two hours sleep.

7. One good belly laugh burns off three and a half calories.

8. Laughter causes endorphins to be released, similar to a joggers’ 'high'.

9. Laughter releases feelings of anger, fear, guilt, anxiety and tension.

10. Laughter is contagious.

Two additional fun facts – my favorites – are 1) the average adult laughs 15 times a day and 2) children laugh about 400 times a day. I think I’ll follow the example the kids are setting for us.

In the case of the Waffle Wedded Wife video, there is a moral to the story: when you make a mistake, acknowledge it and move on. Everything will turn out fine.

Your turn: What gets you to giggle?

Michael Varma, is an award-winning instructor, professional magician, and once was excused from jury duty…by his cat. He has authored a series of educational puzzle books (Mental Blocks), created games (Arithmesticks), earned his Distinguished Toastmaster designation and recently penned a mystery novel. Michael frequently performs at the Magic Castle in Hollywood, California.

Tasteful Wedding One-Liners

Remember the two golden rules to pack a loving punch.

Adding humor to a wedding or anniversary party is always welcome, but it requires that you follow the two golden rules: tell good clean jokes and jest in favor of marriage. This can be a tall order because most wedding wisecracks are far from wise. Even the great comedic legend Milton Berle said, “Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” Below are my top ten picks of tasteful wedding one-liners that can be personalize by replacing bride, groom, husband or wife with the actual people’s names.

1. A good wife will always forgive her husband when she's wrong.

2. A husband is not a yes-man; when his wife says no, he says no.

3. Why did the groom cross the road? Because his wife was on the other side.

4. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

5. The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest that perhaps he’s too old to do it.

6. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

7. Marriages are made in heaven, but the details are worked out on earth.

8. Single people are looking for a prize; married people find a reward.

9. To error is to be single, to get married is divine.

10. “Husband and wife” is an anagram for “Fun was had in bed.”

Even these top ten one-liners can pack a punch depending on the size, age and culture of your of your audience. Use your best judgment. If you’re still in doubt then leave it out. Go toward the white wedding light and you’ll always be right.

Bonus – a brief marriage joke:

A man walks up to a gorgeous woman in a large grocery store and says, “Excuse me but, I’ve lost my wife somewhere here in the market, could you talk to me for a few minutes?” “Why?” she asks. “Well, whenever I talk to beautiful woman my wife suddenly appears out of nowhere.”

Your turn - share your favorite tasteful wedding one-liner, today!

Michael Varma is a freelance writer, award-winning presenter and professional magician. To learn more, visit www.MichaelVarma.com. Contact Michael Varma, the author of Tasteful Toasts, for permission to reprint this article. Copyright August 2011 Magical Concepts.

Hazardous Humor

Tell a dirty joke and get mud in your eye

It’s easy to tell an off-color joke, but it’s just as easy to deliver a clean joke. And the perils of using naughty words are many: offend a guest, alienate an audience or damage your credibility jeopardizing future bookings. Only a handful of professional comedians like Bobby Slayton, often referred to as "The Pitbull of Comedy,” and “Mr. Hockey Puck,” Don Rickles, have found a successful negative niche, publicly bashing anyone and everyone to get a laugh. For the rest of us, clean and clever humor will please the crowd.

Right Time, Right Place
It’s important to tailor your type of humor for your audience. I once was hired to perform a private magic show at a bachelor party. After my first trick, one of the guys asked me if I knew any dirty jokes. “You mean one liners like: football players need to be naked to count to 21?” When the jocks in the room laughed I forged on “What did the elephant ask the naked man?” Pause. Wait. “You breathe through that?” It got worse – er, better and continued down the dirty path for another hour. As fun as that was, there hasn’t been another venue during the past 30 years to use a similar string of jokes in my shows and presentations.

Business meetings, lectures and seminars require more highbrow humor than typical the bathroom strain. Clever comments on the edge of truth have a stronger bite and can be used any time, for example, "Never call a meeting before noon without donuts or all order will be lost."

Remember, humor is subjective. What one person finds hysterical another may not. It depends upon their perspective, as with the joke: “This little computer will do half your job for you,” said the sales clerk. The senior VP studying the machine nodded decisively, “Fine, I’ll take two.” Most upper management will politely smile and accept the good-natured ribbing causing all worker-bees to chortle.

Countdown
When God gave Moses the Ten Commandments, the class clown, hiding behind the burning bush, saw an opportunity. Since then the Top Ten List has remained a solid routine which can be applied to any subject.

Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize:

10. Company softball team is converted to a bridge club.
9. Dr. Kevorkian is hired as an “Outplacement Coordinator.”
8. Employees become super friendly with the dorky director of human resources.
7. The coffee machine is removed from the break room.
6. Corporate headquarters begins a weekly bake sale.
5. Senior management starts carpooling…together.
4. Annual holiday party moves from the Ritz Carlton to Chucky Cheese.
3. Computers are being replaced with Commodore 64s.
2. Medical plan now consists of directions to the free clinic.
And the number one sign your company is going to downsize is…
1. The CEO installs a dartboard labeled with existing department names.

Clean is Supreme
Blue Collar Tour jokester Jeff Foxworthy, the originator of “You might be a Redneck if…” holds the current title, “The King of Clean.” Successful comedians like Bill Cosby, Ellen DeGeneres, Jerry Seinfeld and Billy Crystal all have held comedic crowns for their wit. These comedians, including the legendary Phyllis Diller, Milton Berle and Henny Youngman all have/had joke files filled with good clean humor because they know that sanitary comedy is timeless.

Focus on levity with longevity and start your clean humor file today.

Q: How does a clown fish get its stripes?
A: It spends time in jail.

Q: Why don’t sharks eat clownfish?
A: Because they taste funny.

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Michael Varma is a freelance writer, award-winning presenter and professional magician. To learn more, visit http://www.michaelvarma.com/.

Contact Michael Varma, the author of Tasteful Toasts, for permission to reprint this article. Copyright February 2010 Magical Concepts.

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