Birthday One Liners aka Birth Mirth

Birthdays happen every year          
You can toast with pithy cheer
Take your time
Learn one line
It’s a precious souvenir

Far too often I hear tributes that sting like the spank on your tush the day you were born. Yes, I’m referring to old age jokes. For example:

- “The twinkle in your eye is the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.”
- “You’ve seen it all, done it all, and can’t remember most of it.”
- “Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.”
- “A benefit of being older is that you’re safe from being kidnapped.”
- “In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.”

While those lines might be funny (and possibly true), I have found saying something a bit more tasteful and witty can provide more memory mileage for a treasured moment.

Here are my top ten birthday one-liners to better celebrate your milestone:
10.  We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
9.  Statistics show that the people who have the most birthdays live the longest.
8.  You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
7.  Think of hot flashes as your inner child playing with matches.
6.  You’re not 40, you’re 18 with 22 years of experience.
5.  Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.
4.  You’re like a fine wine; you get better with age.
3.  Age doesn’t matter, unless you are cheese.
2.  The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.
1.  It is better to wear out than to rust out.

I believe in celebrating your birthday…all week, month or even an entire year. It’s important to have twinkles in your wrinkles. As Mark Twain once wrote, “Wrinkles merely indicate where smiles have been.”

Related articles:
Hazardous HumorTasteful Wedding One LinersOne Liners for Lovers

Bonus Stephen Wright Joke:
Last week the candle factory burned down;
Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday. 

Your turn: What are your favorite and positive birthday jokes, quotes or one-liners?

5 Ways to Follow-Through in February

Leadership and Communication Expo Chair Bob Dietrich (left) 

with Facebook expert Michael Varma are all smiles at the 

sold-out Leadership and Communication Expo in San Diego, Calif.

After teaching a workshop at the sold-out Leadership and Communication Expo in San Diego, Calif., I had an epiphany. You can use the same five Facebook posting techniques to keep yourself energized about your New Year’s resolutions. My session, Facebook for Fun and Profit, listed five ways to engage website viewers to click-and-order or visit your brick-and-mortar place of business.

Here is an excerpt from the workshop that I’m providing you for free:

Posting relevant and compelling content on Facebook maintains your current fans and encourages others to “Like” you. An immediate connection can be made with your audience through a photo with happy smiling people and a simple succinct sentence about the image. Facebook is all about F.A.C.E.S., which is a good acronym for remembering what types of pictures to post (page five of the handout - PDF 876 kb).

Fun

A picture of people having fun is the number one motivator. You’ll hear, “That looks like fun. I want to do that, too.” Find a picture or create a vision board of people succeeding in a similar project.

[Fun photo: my dad and sister offering a tasteful toast at my 10^th wedding anniversary party.]

Action

Actions are stronger than words – cliché but it elicits powerful memories to move you to act. Watch video clips of people achieving your target goal.

[Action photo: my friends and the second couple I married as a wedding officiant.]

Character

A person with strong character can alter the ambience of an event. Surround yourself with positive people who affect your mood (lift you up without dragging them down).

[Character photo: my wife’s cousin, Tom, goes by the nickname “Bubba” – enough said.]

Emotion

Photos that elicit emotions enter your head and heart. You’ll become an unstoppable force and reach your goal when encouraged by a favorite photograph of a loved one or cherished event.

[Emotion photo: the first couple I married were head-over-heels in love – see The Magical Minister – Bubba is groom’s father.]

Success

Winners inspire success in others. “I want that” and “I can do that” quickly transforms into “I believe it,” and “I will achieve it.”

[Success photo: Daniel Rex, the Executive Director of Toastmasters International presenting the Distinguished Toastmaster award to Michael Varma.]

Choose one or all five ways to follow through in February and I’ll see you in the winner’s circle.

Your turn: What part of F.A.C.E.S. most motivates you to action?

Every January you read dozens of articles on New Year’s resolutions, everything from how to eat right, exercise, and balance the work/home life. But all are missing a vital piece of information.

I’ve even written a few articles that were printed in newspapers and circled the globe online and yet I, too, overlooked the basic ingredient every successful person knows: Pick one and get it done.

My wife (Barbara) and I recently updated our Home Wish List for 2013. It’s in Excel (because I’m such a nerd) and it lists all the things we want to do to make our house a home. For example, we want to get new floor lamps, put up crown molding and paint an accent wall in the living room. You might call it just another Fix-It or a Honey Do list – we have those, too—but the Home Wish List is geared toward things we’d like to get done this coming year.

Currently our “homework” roster has 37 items listed. Ambitious? Overwhelming? Yes and yes, but I'm sharing a simple secret to get it all done. Millionaire motivational speakers and authors, Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy among them, all recommend the same thing: prioritize your list then pick one and get it done. Focus on the single task and follow through until it’s completed.

Does it really work? Absolutely. When you identify one item to work on, all the other stress and pressure vanishes. Staying on course is much easier. For example, for years I’ve wanted to update my website (www.MichaelVarma.com) and share lots of free content and begin branding all my products under one name. During the December holidays I worked on one page at a time and within days I had more than 30 pages posted.

Want more proof? Our previous Home Wish Lists has a running tally of more than 80 accomplishments. We did get new floor lamps, put up crown molding and paint that accent wall. That makes Barbara very happy and you know that fabulous saying, “A happy wife makes a happy life.” We also did it within budget, which makes a happy hubby.

What’s next in 2013? Transform my products to ebooks and share with you on iTunes. I know I’ll be successful because I’ll follow the rule: pick one and get it done.

Your turn: What goal are you going to focus on and follow through to completion?

Related Articles:
Resolutions With Their Weight in GOLD
Find Your Focus to Win Your Game
Learning by Example

 

We Bid You Good Cheer

Robert and LubyAnn Hausman toasting
at their 50th wedding anniversary.

Marriages that last seem to receive less attention than high profile, short term break-ups, but I believe the media has it all wrong. I'm taking a stand and showering attention on the simple and good things in life, after all good things last the longest.

My friend Luby and her husband Bob just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. What can you say about a couple of crazy kids that married on the steps of Avalon Community Church on November 10, 1962, on Catalina Island, Calif., and returned fifty years later to renew their vows on the same church steps?

Here’s a copy of my toast that attendees said, “That was a wonderful” and "Fabulous.":

Good Afternoon, my name is Michael Varma and I met Luby more than ten years ago at a Toastmasters meeting.

Michael Varma offers a tasteful toast
at a golden wedding anniversary.

Luby is our resident celebrity. She a triple threat: she acts, she sings and can tap dance her way out of a question she doesn’t want to answer.

And we’re here to celebrate her 50^th wedding anniversary to Bob. Fifty years is quite an achievement. Most folks don’t make it that far.

Britney Spear’s first marriage to childhood friend Jason Alexander lasted 55 hours.

Kim Kardashian's second marriage to New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries lasted a mere 72 days.

But those are marriages that didn’t make it. How about other celebrities that are still together?

Hollywood sweethearts Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson are still together, but it’s only been 24 years.

My wife and I have been married for a little more than 10 years and know I adore my wife more today than when got married. (Honey, did I say that right?)

Luby and Bob, you’re at 50 years. That’s five times more love than I’ve yet known. I’m in awe and offer this anniversary toast.

You are blessed from above

With devotion and love

I have a good notion

To second His motion

We bid you good cheers

Partners in love for many more years

When Luby was asked what was the secret to her marriage, she offered a favorite quote, “Love creates a marriage and after several years, the marriage make love.”

That’s a really good line. I probably use that in the future.

What great lines can you share?

Wedded Words

Kirsten and Chris Wallace 07/07/2012 with the
Magical Minister (that's me) at the top of the steps.

Toasting to the three Cs of a successful marriage.

On Saturday, July 7, 2012, I had the honor of marrying Chris and Kirsten Wallace, a shy, young couple who didn’t want the spotlight, didn’t want to have a long ceremony and didn’t to say (or write) their vows. They made it clear to me the only lines they wanted to say were, “I do.” All went well and I’m sharing and adapting a portion of their non-traditional ceremony as a brief and tasteful wedding toast: The three Cs of a successful marriage: Communicate, Compromise and Compassion.

To have a happy, healthy and long successful marriage you only need to remember the three Cs. The first C is Communicate. Telling your partner what you don’t want, is good.

Telling your partner what you DO want is better. You must articulate your wants, needs and desires.

Think about your wedding. You had to make many decisions and offer many opinions. Did you get everything you wanted? No, not everything, but you did get most everything, which leads us to the second C.

The second C is Compromise. Getting your way all the time is not fair to your partner.

When you compromise things can turn out better than what you initially had planned. A good example is Thanksgiving. Will you go to Chris’s family gathering? Will you go to Kirsten’s family gathering? If you work it out right, you’ll get two free dinners!

Keith and Shawn, Sam and Jill [parents of the bride and groom] there will be some times in the future where Chris and Kirsten will want to spend their holidays alone and that’s fine, too. They will want to make new memories. That leads us to the third C.

The third C is Compassion. As you join together in marriage, you are bringing together two different families with different thoughts, ideas, opinions and that’s where you share your compassion. The two of you probably agree on many points. That’s why you’re getting married, but some family and friends may have different opinions. And that’s okay, too. And that’s where we come full circle back to communication.

That circle is a strong bond and it’s easy to remember because it is in the form of a ring that you will wear every day of your life. As you promise to communicate, compromise and share your compassion with each other, we promise the same. Congratulations.

Your turn: What’s your recommendation for a fourth C?

Michael Varma is an award-winning instructor, professional magician, and once was excused from jury duty…by his cat. He has authored Tasteful Toasts, a series of educational puzzle books (Mental Blocks), created games (Arithmesticks), and frequently performs at the Magic Castle in Hollywood, California.

Yes, you can email Michael for a free guest pass to the Magic Castle ~ and you don’t need to subscribe to his funny and informational blog…but it would be worth it.

Three Tricks and Treats for Toasting

Learn how to ward off ghosts and goblins before taking the stage.

Halloween is a good time to be scared, but a bad time to have the hebejebes before you stand up at a party and give a toast. If you feel the tension creeping into your shoulders or your stomach tightening up it's time to relax and regain your composure. I offer three simple tricks that produce sweet treats to soothe the soul for a short soliloquy. 

Trick #1 – Listen to your favorite song or radio program.

Treat #1 – Music truly calms the savage beast whether it’s in your head, heart or tummy. I take advantage of today’s technology and have two categories of tunes on my smart phone that I can listen to at a moment’s notice. First up is my piano bar playlist. This set has more than 50 songs I love to sing. Spooky spirits and negatives nerves are vanquished  and I’m in a fantabulous mood well before the first chorus. Second is a set of NPR’s comedy Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me! podcasts. I can laugh and test my news knowledge while figuring out what's real and what’s made up by the cast of comedians.

Trick #2 – Breathe and be Brilliant.

Treat #2 – This simple two-step process of quickly inhaling through your nose for three seconds then exhaling through your mouth for six seconds releases nervous energy. It puts you back in command of your voice with more control, power and energy. I have done this on my way to the microphone when all eyes are on me. It appears that I am merely collecting my thoughts before I begin my toast.

Trick #3 – Wet your whistle and sip a half cup of water.

Treat #3 – When you remain hydrated you can prevent dry mouth syndrome. I always have a bottle of water handy especially when I’m scheduled to speak. And even though my toast will be less than three minutes long, I can sip the rest of the water and clear the cotton cobwebs that might form.

Typically only one of these tricks is necessary to halt the hobgoblins.

Bonus – Three Halloween Toasts:

Black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,

May luck be yours this Halloween.

* * *

Halloween is sure to fright

Goblins scream throughout the night

Monsters chase you to the house

The kids are back – save your spouse

* * *

There's a goblin at my window,

A monster at my door.

The pumpkin at my table

Keeps smiling more and more.

Your turn: What are your tricks and treats for toasting?

Michael Varma is an award-winning instructor, professional magician, and once was excused from jury duty…by his cat. He has authored Tasteful Toasts, a series of educational puzzle books (Mental Blocks), created games (Arithmesticks), and frequently performs at the Magic Castle in Hollywood, California.

Yes, you can email Michael for a free guest pass to the Magic Castle ~ and you don’t need to subscribe to his funny and informational blog…but it would be worth it.