Have the Courage to Compliment

Praise is powerful and under the right circumstances it can be transformational unlocking the human potential. You might think I’m exaggerating the effects of a simple and sincere compliment, but evolution and science is on my side.

Why You Don’t Compliment
Our brains are wired to pay more attention and give more weight to negative experiences as opposed to positive ones. Cavemen and women learned to stay safe from daily dangers (a.k.a. negative and life-threatening experiences) and have evolved to meet new social fears emerged. Here are the top three excuses for why you don’t compliment:

-   I’m shy.
-   They already know.
-   I don’t know what to say.

I’ll override these objections in order: 1) Compliments are a low risk and offer high returns, which is an excellent way to overcome your shy social anxiety. 2) Most people love to hear how well they did and often rarely receive positive feedback. 3) You’ll learn how to give a compliment in less than a minute in a few paragraphs.

Benefits of Compliments
Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Compliments will boost the confidence, self-esteem and respect for both the giver and receiver. Simple positive feedback can truly be all that stands between someone being successful and giving up. Beyond the basic feel good factor, here are the top three reasons to praise:

-   Encourage strugglers to achieve.

-   Reinforce learning a new task.

-   Strengthen relationships.

Offering an accomplished person a compliment can lead to self-improvement and finding a mentor. “I really enjoyed your presentation today. How did you get so comfortable with public speaking?”

How to Give a Compliment
Without delay, here are the steps to take in order to provide a heartfelt compliment:
 
1.   Pick a person. It can be a coworker, mailman, secretary, boss, teacher, stranger, friend or enemy. Use their name as it conveys respect and because most people appreciate hearing their own name.

2.   Find a feature. Characteristics can be concrete or intangible like a smile, sunny disposition or hairstyle. If your praise is vague, it can sound insincere so be specific.

3.   State with sincerity. Only give a compliment when you actually mean it otherwise it will fall flat. Unearned praise is false flattery and can be perceived as manipulation. Honest comments ring the bell of truth and are valued above all.
 
Examples of compliments:
“Barbara, that’s a lovely blue coat you’re wearing.”
“Pamela, I admire your ability to provide insightful editing.”
“Steve, I appreciate you support more than Santa appreciates chimney grease.”

Courage to Compliment Challenge
I challenge you to compliment a different person every day this week.

1.  Your Spouse or Significant Other

2.  Family Member

3.  Close Friend

4.  Work Associate

5.  Local Business

6.  Restaurant Staffer

7.  Complete Stranger

Make magic in less than a minute by giving a genuine compliment and create an everlasting smile.
 
Your Turn: What compliments have you recently shared?  

Praising in Public

Learn the three Ps of a polished presenter

Most of us, if we’re honest with ourselves, have a little voice inside that wants us to compliment a coworker at a party and say, “You did a great job,” or “I appreciate your help,” but we’re afraid of appearing foolish or saying something embarrassing. That’s normal. Then we watch a seemingly fearless facilitator stand up at the gathering and convey with conviction similar thoughts. We think to ourselves, “I could have said that.” Yes, that’s normal, too. Transform into that polished presenter by following the three Ps: prepare, present, and prevail.

Prepare

To prevent flubbed lines, focus on how your coworker assisted you personally or professionally. Select one instance and summarize the situation, solution, and your satisfaction with the end result.

Pretend you’re in front of the party-goers and say your brief praise out loud. Tell it to your significant other – whether they are two or four legged – this minimal practice will calm most stomach squalls. Silly as it may seem, verbalizing your mini-speech, even to an audience of one will make a huge difference. When my wife’s unavailable then my cat plays second fiddle and listens to me practice (in between her naps and meals).

Present

One of the best times to premiere your praise is right after everyone has assembled and if at a restaurant after folks order their meals. Visualize success and present like you rehearsed.

For example, “My boss needed a chart created for a meeting in ten minutes and I didn’t know how to do it. Bob was able to show me in less than two minutes. I appreciate his help. Thanks, Bob.”

Prevail

A perfect presentation or not, you will be admired for taking a risk and showing genuine gratitude. The next time you give a pat on the back it will become easier. Both you and the recipient will fill with pride.

I recently complimented a co-worker, “Your summary of the project was quite good. You presented a nice high-level overview, touched upon several key points, and concluded with next action steps. I found it very help and informative.” My associate felt good with the recognition and I was delighted with myself for boldly following through with my remark. Reminds me of a quote by the writer and editor Margaret Cousins, "Appreciation can make a day - even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary."

Far too often people’s achievements are overlooked or worse, expected. A few words of acknowledgement in front of your peers will boost everyone’s moral. Follow the three Ps of a polished presenter (prepare, present, prevail) and you’ll prosper at praising in public.

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Michael Varma is a freelance writer, award-winning presenter and professional magician. To learn more, visit www.MichaelVarma.com. Contact Michael Varma, the author of Tasteful Toasts, for permission to reprint this article. Copyright April 2010 Magical Concepts.

Holiday Hoopla

The one with the most joys wins!

Charlie Brown had it right, you don’t need a gazillion presents underneath an overly decorated tree to confirm the true meaning of Christmas. The Grinch discovered the significance of this joyous day after he stole Who-ville’s pop guns, roller skates and drums. These classic cartoons play on TV every year, highlighting the over-commercialization of Xmas causing us to forget that all we really need to do is offer an honest compliment.

Now-a-days Christmas is celebrated by many different religions (and retailers) causing a shift in the meaning of “Merry Christmas.” Without going into the syncretization between Saint Nick and elements from pagan Nordic and Christian mythology, what we’re really trying to say is “I wish you and your family are safe and well until I see you again.”

Some would argue it has an even more relaxed meaning of, “Rest, relax and rejoice on this paid holiday.” Either way you dice it, it’s still a compliment: expressing praise, congratulations or encouragement.

Telling family and friends how much you love and appreciate the time they share with you is fabulous. It’s like giving a tasteful toast to make everyone feel warm and fuzzy inside. It has many positive side affects. It strengthens relationships, boosts self-esteem and increases happiness.

I humbly request all recipients of my blog to get back to basics and offer one compliment a day for the next two week. Yes, I know it takes two weeks to form a new habit. But just think how your corner of the world will be much brighter all 365 days because of your new routine.

Here are the steps to take in order to provide a heartfelt compliment:

1. Pick a person.

It can be a coworker, mailman, secretary, boss, teacher, stranger, friend or enemy.

2. Find a feature.
Characteristics can be concrete or intangible like a smile, sunny disposition or hair style.

3. State with sincerity.
For example, “Barbara, that’s a lovely coat you’re wearing.”

If you deal with customers on a daily basis I challenge you to offer a compliment to each person.

Remember, this is a planned act of kindness and does not mean that you should expect one in return. It costs nothing to give and is priceless to receive.

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Michael Varma is a freelance writer, award-winning presenter and professional magician. To learn more, visit http://www.michaelvarma.com/.

Contact Michael Varma, the author of Tasteful Toasts, for permission to reprint this article. Copyright December 2009 Magical Concepts.

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